This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mom’s, Grandma’s, Aunt’s, Godmother’s and amazing women who fill the role of a pseudo Mom to so many women and men out there. Unfortunately for many people Mother’s Day is a difficult, emotional day and a day that some people would prefer to avoid. Perhaps you have experienced the death of your Mom like I have or the you have an estranged relationship with your Mom or perhaps you have experienced the death of a child which leaves you questioning whether you are still even considered a Mom.
For several years after my Mom died, I had chosen not to go to restaurants on Mother’s Day to avoid seeing other people celebrating with their Mother’s. Unfortunately for someone newly grieving it is hard to avoid this holiday since everywhere you go you see the signs and cards about Mother’s Day or you go onto social media and see all the posts of people celebrating Mother’s Day.
As I have moved through my grief journey I have chosen to use Mother’s Day to honor an amazing Mom I was fortunate to have, and I choose to focus on all the wonderful things my Mom taught me and how her influence as well as her death has shaped the woman I am today. I choose to focus on gratitude for the memories of my Mom, but also gratitude for my Mother-In-Law and all the pseudo Mom’s I have had over the years which have provided me with much love, guidance and support.
For those of you that are struggling with this day for whatever reason, here are some tips to help you cope with this upcoming holiday:
Make the day about you and do something nice for yourself. Book a massage, go try out the float tank or go get a manicure and pedicure. You deserve it!
Focus on being grateful for the things that your Mom taught you or be grateful for the other wonderful Mom’s that you know and have supported you. Even if you are estranged from your Mom and she wouldn’t have received Mother of the year award, what did you learn from her? Did you learn how you didn’t want to act or how you didn’t want to raise your children, focus on being grateful for those lessons.
If your Mom is deceased, do something in memory of her. Go to the cemetery or look through pictures of her or write a letter to her with what you learned from her. Use guided imagery and have a conversation with your Mom and tell her the things you wish you had told her when she was alive.
Spend time with other Motherless women or men…do something fun together.
Spend time with Mother Nature: go for a walk or a hike and enjoy Mother Nature!
Make something in honor of your Mom. A few years ago, I released a soap called Eileen’s Bouquet that smells like peonies in honor of my Mom and I plan on using that soap on Sunday and the smell always triggers many good memories of my Mom and those flowers.
Call a friend and tell him/her you are struggling with the day and ask if they have a few moments to talk to you.
It may be a distressing day for you, but I hope that you can find a way to celebrate this day and be grateful for the positive things in your life. Happy Mother’s Day!